Retrospect
by Love is for Fools
Summary: A sister is thinking about events that made her brother the way he is, and why he keeps lying to them all. Warning: Mentions of rape


**Retrospect**

By Love is for fools

Part of the Only when sleeping series

**Not the same so I'm guilty**

_**Some things never fade**_

_**From our soul and mind**_

_**We want to forget**_

_**But they're part of us**_

_**And we can't change a thing**_

_**But, oh**_

_**I wish I could've been there for you**_

_**But I can't change a thing**_

_**For the guilt is a part of me**_

_**Oh, you're so different**_

_**Pretending you're sane**_

_**But in truth you're not what they think**_

_**If you're a fool**_

_**Then what are they**_

_**Those who don't know anything**_

_**That know a lie**_

_**And think it's real**_

_**If you're a fool then what am I**_

_**Oh, you're so different**_

_**Pretending you're sane**_

_**But in truth you're not what they think**_

_**I'm filled with remorse**_

_**With what has occurred**_

_**I can't do a thing**_

_**And so I'm now guilty**_

_**Oh, you're so different**_

_**Pretending you're sane**_

_**But in truth you're not what they think**_

He had stopped his restless stirring a while ago and now was in a deep sleep free from nightmares. The woman sat back in her seat, sighing she ran a hand through her hair anxiously like she expected him to wake up kicking and screaming in his sleep. He had before he just didn't tell her, but she found out anyway and stayed with him on these kinds of nights guilt riddling her.

His face wasn't as tensed up as it was in the waking world, he looked softer with his almost shoulder length curly hair not up in its usual style. He looked natural, more like his old self who wasn't always tense like someone may at any moment come out of nowhere and attack him. She wished she could say it was because of his years as a spirit detective, but that would be a lie.

It had been before that, when he was nine, he was tall for his age about five foot two. He had grown about a foot in the next few years, after all you can't grow all at one time. He was the tallest person in his grade and one of the most beautiful in the school. His copper curls hung loose around his ears, his face still contained some baby fat so it was smooth not very defined. He had pretty almond shaped black eyes that shone with warmth and depth, his body was lean and in shape since he took dance classes.

One day when he walked home with his best friend Kaze Shizuka, they had been kidnaped by a group of low class demons disguised as humans. They were going to torture them both, but he hadn't allowed them to harm her, saying to instead to do whatever they like to him in return for her safety. They complied leading him away from the room she was in, his body was almost destroyed by them, but the demons didn't count on Shizuka being able to see what was going on in psychic visions, the two were friends because they had similar abilities so trained them together. Her built up anger exploded into a wild miniature tornado unable to be controlled; it focused only on killing them and protecting her friend. In the process she was also injured by the flying debris getting cuts on her, some that would leave scars.

Her left over spirit energy, some life, was used to unconsciously transport them to his house, where they had left from school to go to two days ago. Shizuka was conscious long enough to inform his sister what had happened before falling into a coma. When he woke up four weeks later, he found that his body was changed and his friend unable to wake up. His legs which had been broken were in casts, he'd been brutally raped, his captors having an obsession with causing the most pain they could to their almost willing prey.

His body had been torn up, so he had to undergo surgery, even though they had been to save him, his body was deformed. After the casts where gone four months later, it took him eight months to learn to walk again, but he was determined and did not listen when the doctors said he wouldn't ever be able to walk. He could never bring himself to try to dance again though, but he would not tell her why. Her guess was because Shizuka was the one that had convinced him to take the classes, but since she wasn't awake he found no reason to continue dancing. He also let his psychic powers suffer too, the most power he would ever reach was only a fraction of what it was before he restrained it with his soul.

During the time he was disabled he caught up on all his school work since everything else gave him time to think, mentally and physically exhausting himself every day on it just to sleep peacefully at night. Soon he caught up with the people in his class, so he no longer concerned himself with the work. After recovering his physical training took up the most time, he wanted to be stronger so he could protect the weak. He never wanted to be in a position of helplessness.

When younger he always wanted to protect the ones close to him, but since it happened he wanted to be there for anyone that needed help. His kindness was sometimes his downfall, but he never was down for long.

The woman fisted her hand. She couldn't understand why he wouldn't tell his 'friends' why he was the way he was. He allowed them to insult and make cracks about his looks, clumsiness, and intelligence, if he told them they wouldn't say those things. He didn't and continued to act a fool, but she didn't understand whether it was for their sake or his. Maybe it was so they didn't look at him with pity or so that he could pretend nothing happened. Whatever the reason she knew that he was different from what they saw him as.

He may not care what they think about him, but he does care about what they might think of how he used to be, that was all she knew. He had been through so much and there was nothing she could do to change what happened and how he was. She just wished she could have been there for him. And even though the physical scars had faded until there was nothing but the after affect, the scars on his soul would never fade, never go away.

Kazuma slept on, unaware of this little retrospect.

**Love is for fools: I don't own the show, but the plot and song are mine and if you want to use the song send me an e-mail or leave it in a review. Don't forget to give credit to me for it.**


End file.
